ONE YEAR @ THE HELLHOUSE, ONE YEAR ON MY OWN

Aaaaaaaaaaah, Xmas is over, finally! I have no idea how many times I’ve wished these crazy days come to an end. Many! Many events, dinners, people, fun, booze, food… I need some peace and quietness for a while.

The last Xmas event was the dj’n session last Thursday. Since then, I’ve enjoyed myself and some solitude. For one reason or another I didn’t see anyone for the past 3 days and barely spoke to anyone, except for a couple of phonecalls. To be honest I needed to stay all by myself. Didn’t do anything outstanding, but going to the movies, had a couple of walks, cooked, watched many films, played records, read a bit… and had good rest.

Some might think that is a sad plan. I find it great. As cool as meeting my friends for some drinks, a gig or a movies session.

Are you afraid of being alone? Moreover, does loneliness scare you? Do you enjoy and need sometime on your own? And I don’t mean a couple of hours when your man/woman/parents/flatmates are out for a couple of hours.

I’m a very social person at all levels, and now more than ever. I’m passionate about meeting new people, and without intending to sound pretentious, I’m good at dealing with people. Not only that, but also I love organizing events enrolling my friends, and very often my Hellhouse hosts guests.

In my last relationship, I wasn’t completely aware of how I missed my social life (better said, didn’t want to think much about it), although I always managed to keep in touch with my closest friends on regular basis, but have to admit I was too much focused on my partner as to leave aside this innate feature of mine. I didn’t go out very often, didn’t enjoy dinners with friends, and wasn’t very active in parties, meetings and activities. Became very lazy and accommodated to this sedentary life. Not that I regret it now, because, as someone said once, everything happens for a reason, truth is that, once my life changed, I recovered what I like most: my friends.

I had never lived on my own, but that didn’t scare me much. My main worry was not being able to meet people because, at certain age, with our routines and obligations, it’s just not so easy. Everything worked out perfect, and my friends were really on alert, watching I was not feeling lonely. They all did a great job.

This week is my first anniversary at the Hellhouse, and I’m glad I made this choice of living on my own. Sharing would have meant more spare money, but less intimacy and peace. If possible, I won’t share a flat with anybody else (but in couple, of course).

I’ve finally found the perfect equation working for me. I’ve reached this stage at which I find pleasure in both situations, being surrounded by friends, and being on my own, feeling like a hermit. I never thought this could ever happen to me.

I’m not terrified of being on my own for the rest of my life. I don’t like the idea, but many things considered, if I ever trick a poor guy to stay by my side, he’d suffer the consequences of my previous good and bad experiences, and reckon to adapt to my current life could be tough. Anyway, in case that poor guy would never knock at the door, now I know I can handle by myself without feeling miserable, and enjoying a great time on my own.

Please, allow me to call this, Superior State of Mind.

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