BYE BYE, LUCKIES

Dears friends, it’s been five days since I smoked the last drag of a cigarette. I’m not a winner yet, but I got a good feeling this time. Let’s see whether I can finally make it and quit what is a really nasty habit.

This was actually  my last cigarette 🙂

My relationship with tobacco hasn’t been very constant except for the last couple of years.

I remember my first cigarette perfectly. At my cousin Miguel’s wedding reception, as old tradition set, ladies were given a pack of lits, and gents were offered cigars. I think, I was given one pack, it didn’t matter I was 13, and also stole as many as possible, just for the pleasure of annoying people. That wedding was super boring, I swear!

Diana, my best friend and I, planned to smoke a cigarette together, it was arranged as if it was a date. She came to my parents’, we went to the attic terrace, hid somewhere and lighted the fags. We didn’t cough as in the movies, probably because we didn’t actually inhale them, they tasted horrible, but we felt like adults for the first time. Both our parents were smokers, so tobacco was in our daily livings.

Although Diana started smoking actively few time after our first experience, I became a social smoker since I was told, having a drag while swallowing a nip of beer, would get me higher. I know it’s ridiculous, but that’s the way I’ve been doing it all my life. Thus, from 17 till 25 I connected smoking directly to going out. I even stopped smoking when I was 26, for two years, but one of these crazy nights, I gave up to the temptation.

The working setting is very influential for your smoking habits, more than we think.

I was lucky to start developing office tasks once smoking was forbidden in working places, otherwise I’d be smoking nonstop in the busiest and most stressful periods. Thus, there were two targets when smoking a cigarette, first one, of course, was to socialize with my friends, and second, having a break.

More or less everything was under control in this way, despite the fact that at home we used to smoke some light hash joints too, not too heavy loaded, because I hate getting stoned. That prevented me of smoking at home.

Right before visiting Japan I stopped smoking, and I stood strong for 3 months, but as things were getting rough and weird at home, I started smoking again. This time, I also linked smoking to focusing my stress on something, creating the belief that a cigarette really relieved me.

When my world collapsed, I was smoking anytime and anyplace, with no restrictions. I fucked it up. At that point I was completely hooked.

I was feeling disgusted when smoking sometimes lately. I hate thinking how much dough I’ve been spending on them. I was buying boxes, so I could try to follow up my addiction, I had to quit.

My father was a terrible smoker. Due to his work as salesman for a huge pharmaceutical company, he was visiting doctors on a daily basis. Remember it wasn’t  so long ago, smoking was allowed at public buildings, hospitals included. At the end of the day, he wasn’t sure there were 2-3 packs gone. At least, this vice was more affordable than nowadays.

Eventually, he started taking pills to give up smoking, as per medical advice. Everything seemed alright in the beginning, these pills consist on anxiolytics, so he was ok, but apparently such blissful effect doesn’t last forever, and sheeeeeit! My father’s a moody guy, but what we experienced at home was like a horror film, with him passing from laughter, to turn into Incredible Hulk.

From my personal experience, I didn’t recall withdrawal experiences nor moody episodes. Truth is that I was nibbling all the time and consequently I earned weight. I hated it!

I’m quite aware of all these things this time, and seems that I’m not super anxious, although sometimes I’d like one drag. Don’t reckon I’m in a very bad mood, but on the other hand I got quite disturbed a couple of times last weekend caused by unpleasant conversations. I’m not nibbling at all, in fact my eating behavior is getting even better. And finally, and I’m not joking, I need my yoga class tomorrow. To be honest, for the first time I’ve taken control of the situation, and I hope this is the last time I have to submit myself to a physical sacrifice in order to give up something actually harmful for me. If only I can manage, this will be a winner mark in my lifetime.

Smoking is actually one of the most nonsense addictions we get hooked to. Cigarettes don’t give you pleasure, they’re not proper uppers nor downers, their price is outrageous, you’re inhaling smoke, and your breath smells like shit, it’s bad for your skin, lungs…

But some people look so cool…

 

3 responses to “BYE BYE, LUCKIES

  1. Toughest thing you’ll ever do, and also the greatest thing you’ll ever do for yourself. Congrats and keep going!

  2. Trust me, if *I* could do it… (just hit 10 years, BTW)

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