Crying has been always related to the highest expression of disappointment and sadness, and considered a sign of weakness.
Do you cry? How often? I’ve always been a crying girl, don’t have any problem to admit it. Many people react with surprise when I make such an assertion, because I’m too outgoing, all the time joking, energetic and intense, and those features sometimes seem to be incompatible with crying.
Well, my closest friends know it’s just the opposite, I’m a very sensitive person, easy to feel moved and or excited, and need to express whatever I’m feeling at anytime. I always define myself as a teddy bear or a cake beyond my tough appearance and my rude way of talking. Regarding feelings, I’m incapable of cheating or disguising. I’m too plain and transparent. Thus, I will be shocked if you shock me, sad if I get the blues, and jubilant if I’m happy… better you don’t see me upset. I can be mean and a bitch for real.
Crying is hardly assumed to refer to happiness or any other positive emotions. I’m god at that too. Not only I have crying outbursts out of laughing often, but also I cry when I receive good news. How many times somebody has announced upcoming marriages or pregnancies and I’ve cried because I was delighted with the news…
How many times I’ve cried in the middle of a band live set on stage…from Blind Melon, or Alice in Chains, to Neil Young or Guns N’ Roses, you name it.
Few days ago I was, in fact, reading an article about Blind Melon at a random Starbucks, when I realized I was sobbing!!!
And believe me, I don’t feel depressed or super low, from time to time this just happens, and I can’t help it, in fact I don’t want to inhibit because it’s not socially acceptable to show feelings so raw and honest. This is the way I am, and it helps me to feel relieved.
After all this confession, and still with a purpose in my head apart from stating I’m pro crying as a way to express, for both male and female, I also have to admit, since most of the grief from the storm I passed through was released, and my personal situation more settled, with all the achievements and improvements in my own personality, I really don’t cry as often as I used to when I was supposedly happily married. I used to cry a lot, I’m serious, and now, thinking of it, I should had paid more attention to those regular episodes, because something was actually happening and I didn’t face it properly. There’s no point in wasting much time thinking of it really, but I should pay more attention in the future, be more alert to signals.
Nope, I don’t cry so often nowadays, the cause has to be something really moving, or my hormones on fire.
Nevertheless there’s an exception, and this is where the action is, regarding this post. I’ve noticed something really strange happening to me, and it has to do with movies. Yes, I cry when watching movies with love as their main plot, regardless. Drama or comedy, it doesn’t matter, I cry. Well, I also cry with certain scenes of the Star Wars Trilogy, but that’s not new. Thank God this love issue doesn’t happen with music, otherwise I’d be fucked. Can you imagine?
The most outrageous experience was the night I went to the movies on my own (ufff! I was lucky), to watch Jane Eyre, with Michael Fassbender and Mia Wasikowska, and I literally spend half movie crying and sobbing nonstop. The story was so intense, and love so tortuous I couldn’t restrain myself. Left the cinema wiping my tears and although it was Saturday night, headed home devastated.
And this afternoon I’ve watched Crazy Stupid Love, yes, I confess it’s been all in the name of Ryan Gosling, and the last 10 minutes of the film, again…crying.
After such experiences many questions raise to my head. On one hand, this is happening to me in the very last months, is it that perhaps the need of a partner? Is it just that I’m turning very emotional and touchy to love issues? Perhaps it’s a great vehicle to release those tears I’m less often dropping… cross my heart! I don’t feel depressed, nor even lonely, at least not all the time, and I only used to cry with films with creatures or pets and cartoons, you know, E.T, Flipper, Cinderella…Am I changing? Do we react differently when growing old? Am I crazy?
I hope it’s not the case, and for the moment, rather than watching any other love story, I’m going to re-watch Die Hard, First Blood or some Schwarzenegger’s 80s blockbusters, so I won’t have to worry about handkerchiefs.
In the meantime I leave you here a very appropriate song:
*** Shannon, I miss you