As far back as I can remember I always wanted to be a gangster.
With this sentence Henry Hill starts narrating his story in one of my top 5 favorite movies ever, Goodfellas, by Martin Scorsese. I feel like adapting it to the story of my life, so I’d say my line:
As far back as I can remember I always wanted to be a rockstar.
And I’m not kidding. Unfortunately it’s a long way to the top if you wanna rock n’ roll, and if you don’t have luck nor talent, among other requirements, such goal is impossible to be achieved.
Nevertheless I’m proud to say, this is the longest crush I’ve ever had, and still feel as passionate, if not more, as the very first moment I had that feeling.
Not many can recall when I decided to become devoted to rock. I do. It was 1982, 30 years ago, no less, I was 5-6 years old and I listen to Miguel Ríos singing this song.
It was the coolest song I had ever heard, and all the guitars, the vibe, the energy and the chorus were awesome. I just wanted to yell “Bieeeeeee-veeee-ni-doooos”. I believed myself one of the mentioned children of rock n’ roll.
My neighbors were also diehard fans of the song, so we used to play to be a rock band, basically singing this song, with these black plastic tennis rackets as guitars, using a pen or a rule as the mic, wearing bandanas and sunglasses and putting some makeup. Sure in case my parents read this, they won’t remember such wild performances, because we used to “rehearse” at my neighbors’. Their parents didn’t pay much attention so we felt free. Still, perhaps there are some home videos hidden somewhere, with us acting insane.
In those years my father had bought a Yamaha acoustic guitar, and he tried to play typical Beatles love tunes. It took him 10 years approx, to start considering moving to the dark side and plug a guitar to an amp and enjoy distortion. He didn’t bother us much with the acoustic guitar, because he seldom played it, but his change to electric was hard for all the members of the family, including the dog, till he finally accepted receiving guitar lessons.
On the other hand, I had two cousins, who, strange as it might be, because they were genuine nerds, played some instruments. One loved plying banjo, and the other one was into drums.
Thus, I was all the time dreaming I was the singer and the leader of a band featuring my dad and my cousins.
When you’re still a kid, but start thinking for yourself, showing likes and dislikes, and also your will and determination taking shape little by little, everything looks forward growing old. It’s curious now, the insistence of the adults on reminding you eventually stop being a kid, probably is envy, because childhood means freedom, being careless, and concerns, in most cases, deal with toys, cartoons, food you don’t like and other awesome stuff.
Anyway, there was this question constantly asked by parents, acquaintances, teachers and adult community in general:
What you wanna do/be when you grow old?
Remember one time my teacher asked this. Answers were the usual: doctor, nurse, soccer player, fireman, cop, teacher, princess, ballet dancer, mechanic, gardener… But she wasn’t ready for my reply: “I wanna be a rockstar, a rock n’ roll singer”. At that moment you could notice my teacher’s astonishment and shock, she asked me the same again, so I gave the same answer, and she requested an explanation for that. When I told her about my father and my cousins, and my wish to start a band with them, she looked nervous. You have to remember I was attending a private nun school, thus they didn’t approve something like that. Thus, for the first time, our teacher asked as to remain silent and quiet, left the room, and went straight to the office, to ask for my parents’ number in order to call them immediately to report the shocking news. Of course they knew already, so it wasn’t big deal for them.
Since then, I’ve tried to be the singer of some bands and projects, because I love singing, but at the end of the day I must admit my voice is pretty horrible and annoying, I’ve played drums from time to time, never committing to a further stage unfortunately, I’ve thought of working for bands as manager, become a promoter…Nah! Eventually you reach the point you have to assume your role in music: I’m an avid consumer, I purchase albums and attend shows, and seems that lately I can write about music, which is very pleasant and positive, and makes me feel I’m at least contributing a little bit, to support rock and bands.
Someone said to me I didn’t have to worry, because deep in my heart I was a rockstar, and my attitude, commitment and passion were proof enough. I like to think in such way, thus, at 35 I’m proud to say, I am what I’ve always wanted to be.