Evidences of me getting older are confirmed when arranging a dinner at The Hellhouse with some friends with the purpose of watching the Olympic Games grand opening.
Yes, there was lots of fun, beer and burritos with jalapeños, and the staging orchestrated by the film director Danny Boyle was the excuse for the party, but at the end of the day we endured the entire 4 hours show on TV.
The stadium seemed The Shire, combined with Dickens’ Industrial Revolution kids, as if Oliver Twist came back from his tomb, Kenneth Brannagh looking like the Monopoly gentleman, the Queen Elisabeth and James Bond in action, Mr. Bean running…whatever. What we were really wating for was the countries teams parade. 205 to be accurate. I never thought so many countries participated, to be honest.
On one hand the amount of islands teams was overwhelming, a lot of countries I had never heard of before, Tonga, Palau, Tajikistan, Vanuato, Comoros…for example.
We all were a bit uneasy due to the scandal arisen due to the outrageous design of the sport apparel for the Spanish team, entrusted to an Russian company, and as the ultimate masochistic experience, we had to watch our athletes in action. I think we were all looking for a general laugh, to confirm once again this stage of social discontent , and the hopeless and bankrupted status of the country, finally translated into vulgar and tasteless outfits.
I thought España, would turn up earlier, forgetting the name of the country is always translated into English, to Spain, thus we had to wait for 172 to see what we foresee as the moment of the shame.
In the meantime we had lots of fun, on one hand the four of us in my living room, and of course, with the rest of the world via Twitter.
More or less, here is the list of my highlights or collection of the immediate impressions:
Australia and New Zealand, jet-lag or drunk?
Belarus in white with red shirts. A bit excessive.
Bulgaria looking like pickpockets
Burkina Faso stunning hats and outfit
Cameron = Zamunda
Chad and Pet Shop Boys
Where is Comoros?
The Chinese standard bearer is huge
The Cuban Terminator aka Mijail Lopez scared the shit out of me
What’s the category the 3 female athletes from Cook islands compete for?
Czech Republic wearing willies. They’ve been said to be one of the coolest looking teams. I found them ridiculous.
Fading blue El Salvador shirts. Super cool!
Fiji athletes wearing nice skirts and Bee Gees
Germany, the terrible pink and blue outfits and the old guy saluting nazi style with his left arm. What can I say? Considering this was an absolute #dealbreaker, I still had a laugh. Their supremacy in Europe makes them think of a new Reich?
Grenada and Jamaica, you can deny your current stoned condition.
Guam not Wham! Where’s George Michael?
Hungary, pain in the eyes, frightening standard bearer
Independent athletes having lots of fun
Kiribati and the flower crowns (Dude’s landlord style), with national flag uniforms
Leichtenstein posh class
Lesotho cone hats and robes
Liberia male robes, African Captain America
Mali athletes getting rid of non existing flies
Mauritania and their origami hats
Mexican colorful ponchos. Tacos and tequila missing
Micronesia shirts are beautiful
Palau and the Black Mozart standard bearer. Super fan!
Samoans eat gnus or wild boars
Senegal glows in the dark
Spain, female outfits were outrageous, especially the skirts, and the bags, flamenco fan inspired, terrible. Guys in black trousers were better. Pau Gasol is a huge dude. At least the ceremony apparel was more decent than the proper sports apparel.
Tuvalu standard bearer has previously fallen into party ornaments box
USA, Ralph Lauren and berets. Fuckin’ A! Absolute rockstars.
UK. Bowie’s Heroes soundtrack was the highlight of the night. Instead of the sobriety of British high class style, the Geordy Shore – Little Britain side ruled, damaging our eyes with tacky golden tracksuits. There was a confusion and Stella McCartney, responsible for the sports apparel, was immediately criticized via Twitter. Her account community managers confirmed this wasn’t her fault.
The Shire hill tree ended up flagged surrounded, the cauldron looked beautiful and stunning, there were boring and endless speeches we didn’t care about, the Queen was caught several times taking a nap, and we didn’t have our Take That-Spice Girls-Tom Jones-Led Zeppelin dose, but the boring and overrated Arctic Monkeys, and Macca singing the super burnt Hey Jude. Is it so complicated to reach the Superbowl level every four years?
*** I know, friends. I can be a bitch sometimes