The way the timeline of our life has been designed, forces us to move forward regardless. It doesn’t matter you live stuck in the past, the world keeps on moving forward, and people, cities and everything grows up and evolves (or not), but the changes are unstoppable no matter what you do.
If you were a traveler and the road was your life, your backpack would be the experiences you keep with you for good. It’s impossible to bring so much baggage with you all the time thus at some points you have to leave room for some other new stuff or just get released from some ballast. You leave people, places, memories behind and you keep on moving forward, do not forget. The only thing which remains more or less vivid is the past memory, thanks to our brain which works as a storage room. From time to time a memory comes back to your head, most of times you enjoy it for a while, and eventually you put it back where it belongs.
Today something extraordinary has happened. Well, it’s something completely unexpected which makes me really happy and has to do with certain past period in my life. London and an important breaking point which happened there.
For reasons not worth explaining, certain name has come up today. I immediately recalled someone who was very special back to me in 1999. A young disastrous Swedish boy named Carl, who used to die his hair in black, and was a very funny punkrocker, and an adorable kid. Well, I was still 22, and he was a couple of years younger than me I think. We met at the coffee shop downtown London, close to the Lawcorts, in Fleet St. and he was my supervisor.
When I thought of his name these and two thousand details which had been latent in the rear of my head and my heart, started bringing up as if there were fireworks before my eyes but inside my heart. Caaaarl! Where the hell are you? You were awful at keeping in touch, maaaan, changing your personal e-mail every two months or so, and used to hate internet and social networks. Last time I heard the news , you had quit the band you used to play with and the girl you used to date, and then you vanished!
I had to give it one last try, and typed your full name on FB search device and voilá! You were the fourth option in the list and your profile had, thank God, an actual picture of you…super BLONDE! Sent an introducing message and click, a friend request, wondering whether he checks his account often.
Carl was there at a low time in London. Things among me and my former ex were crap for several months and we were in the middle of the process of splitting, when Carl turn into the escape valve to my miseries. As far as I can remember, we used to talk lots, attend rock shows (Man or Astroman?), parties held by his friends…it’s possible he reads this. It’s possible my ex reads this too. What can I say? I liked the guy, he helped me though everything a lot and we used to get on well. It was like this “Friend zone” MTV program. Nothing happened but there was something strong you could easily notice. Eventually, he decided to come back home, to Malmö, and I never had the guts to tell him about my feelings. I’d bet it happened the same to him. This is something I don’t really regret, but I wonder what if…you know that shit.
Through the years we’ve exchanged seldom mails, 2-3 phone calls in the beginning (by the way, he’s the reason I can speak few sentences in Swedish, I was planning to give him a call and I designed a contingency plan in case his parents were answering…hahahah), some MySpace time…but, at the end of the day the fact is that we haven’t seen each other since July 1999!
When you deal with this sort of stories, your mind works faster than sound speed, capable of making up the most amazing movies in barely 30 seconds. At my age, 30s, when you haven’t seen someone in a while you always have the same picture inside your head of your friend having formed a very established and solid family bond, getting married, having a couple of kids etc. I thought of my friend as married with the perfect Swedish woman, with 3 gorgeous blonde kids, as if they were the Ikea family in the catalogue…
And while my head is on fire and my heart pounding excited, my mobile phone displays the FB notification: “Carl… has accepted your friendship request” The rest is history, and I don’t care about his marital status, I’m just glad to have my friend back.
Will this be the right time to settle things and turn this idyllic reunion based on nice memories into friendship for real? I hope so. We’ll see. Right now I can’t wait to find the moment to have video chat or a phone call and give an update on our lives to each other. Still the magic today has been overwhelming and awesome. What a blast anyway, it’s been such an upper!
*** Calle, så stolta över att hitta dig, jag saknar dig mycket!