ACHILLES’ HEEL

Our willpower is completely vulnerable against certain people’s charms for no reason. We can be stubborn and focused, but when our personified Achilles’ Heel turns up, we are helpless, and that can be dangerous in some situations.

Few days ago I was talking to a very close friend who confessed me this girl he used to (more than) flirt with many years ago, was orbiting his Universe again. He was very confused as this has caught him by surprise and it’s not the best time he’s passing through. We are not talking about a one night stand in an exercise of nostalgia and some fun for the good ol’ times’ sake. We are talking about the possibility of changing your life drastically, putting an end to a long relationship lacking of the initial spark and drowned into the most boring routine. Can you identify the snake and the apple in the Garden of Eden?

alex grey

Of course I got my own Achilles’ Heel, it couldn’t be other way being the way I am. For 15 years, since I put my eyes on him he’s driven me crazy.

How many people do we get acquainted with in a lifetime? How many of them end up being our closest friends? How many individuals come and go? And how many manage to mark you for life? Leaving aside some relatives, best friends and relationships, not many, agreed? Let’s sharpen the list a bit further and focus on the emotional part.

I’m 36. I’ve lived two long term relationships. Last one left me heartbroken, however with the passing of time, I reached the conclusion that it was the best that could ever happen to me. If you had asked me a couple of years ago I’d positively reckoned he was the man in my life. I don’t support this idea anymore.

The situation my friend is living has made me think of certain men a lot. Not only my two ex had an lifetime impact me for obvious reasons, but also a couple of  guys I crossed paths with for some time.

First case was a guy 9 years older than me whom I met one night and there was this instant crush. “Nothing” happened apart from letters, phonecalls and lots of kissing the few times we met. He lived in a city 150km from mine, and had his adult life, which I presume it included a girlfriend. He was very influential in terms of music (mine is a repeated case of music crushes), but the most important thing was that he was the first person who told me I wasn’t a kid anymore and I had to be listened and treated as an adult, highlighting the fact that my thoughts and opinions weren’t nonsense.

Second case is a former lover. THE lover. Also older than me, gorgeous, musician, intelligent, tattooed, charming…the list of wonders could be endless so as to make you think he was perfect, but he wasn’t. He used to self-define as a womanizer and wasn’t in the mood for committing to someone at that moment. Still there was this chemistry between us which made us not being too far from each other, until you reach the turning point when you have to decide whether to step forward into something more serious or just split ways. Second option won and we went on being friends.

By now you’ve probably found out who happens to be my personal Achilles’ Heel.  Yes, smart asses, THE lover is the one.

The silent agreement of our friendship was necessary because the situation was unbearable, especially for me. Moreover I decided to move back to my hometown and finally resumed to my former relationship with renewed energy, attitude and yeah, more optimism. But 1 ½ year later, I discovered that there was still something in the air, as we met for some drinks and he confessed something like being an idiot for losing the chance to start something with me back in the day. Since that moment, every time we’ve seen each other I could feel THAT something. Truth is due to our personal circumstances and lives we are never at the same stage, and probably that’s the reason nothing crazy’s happened. At some point our lives touch each other, but never intersect.

We’ve been weirdly in touch all these years thanks to social networks but never shared e-mail addresses, nor called each other to say hello, however we both know what’s going on.

The more we’ve met and talked, especially in the last year, the more I’ve surprised myself feeling overexcited for his approaches, stopping the world around at his signal. I’m not particularly proud of being so much affected by him, and considering he’s got his own life completely settled, I sometimes think I’m crazy, however he’s still sending subtle signals I quickly notice and being cool and quiee become hard to handle.

When trying to comfort my friend analyzing his current situation I had this enlightening and confessed him that, in the remote and unlikely case he was asking me to join him, I’d do it regardless. I’d quit everything and follow him wherever risking everything for the need to take the chance of trying to work things out between us. I know, it’s excessive, but I’m talking serious.

gimme your hand

I don’t feel so bad for telling you this because I’m positive something like this will never happen, yet is true fate is not written and is not fixed and we’re all the time being surprised by the news of impossible things becoming real. It’s good to leave this stage of denial behind even though everything turns around a bare chance, which is quite ridiculous actually, but human being is made not only of flesh and water, but also of emotions, which perhaps are responsible for us not being perfect.

Once this said, it wouldn’t be that bad someone turn up willing to erase these stupid thoughts in my head. Question is, are there any volunteers so far?

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