Few months ago I tried to update this About page unsuccessfully, explaining about my life, the current situation I was living then, and the reasons for starting this personal crappy blog. I tried to do it with my phone while travelling on a train to my hometown, spent more than reasonable time, but unfortunately and for no apparent reason, what I wrote wasn’t saved correctly and you never saw a word. Frustrating, huh?
OK, to summarize a bit, my first post was written at the end of July, I had been noticing weird shit for some months and was in mid July when the bomb exploded, and my boyfriend and I were supposed to be taking a break, which as you can see, has been for good.
At that moment, I thought of a personal blog as a kind of diary and a way to express all the confusion, frustration, sadness and pain whirling in both my head and my heart, as if it was a diary or something. Didn’t work at all, posts were so depressive I gave up, my support had to be physical and real, therefore I forwarded all my shit to my friends. They were my real therapy and my salvation from sinking in a sea of sorrow, it might sound too lyrical or dreamy, but I reckon, it was the worst time in my life.
When starting to feel better, aware of the new picture, I tried to give the blog another try, but I wasn’t very steady nor focused on anything so I think I wrote a couple of posts and forgot about the issue till February.
What happened then? Uhm, many things. I started to live on my own in January, was broke, and had to adapt to my new situation, create new routines and calm down a bit. This blog seemed a good choice for me. I can tell about everything that happens in my mind, which are a lot, sometimes I reckon I think too much, plus, I love talking about music, films and events. Seeing the results, it seems I’m not talking so much bullshit, and I’m glad some of you participate regularly, this encourages me a lot to keep on writing.
Writing is a way of expression I’ve always loved, don’t follow any particular pattern, but since I was a kid, letters were one of my favorite hobbies, and used to write them using the diary style, so I guess, I’ve kept on following this trend.
Why in English? Believe it or not, although I’m aware of my mistakes and I’ve forgotten vocabulary and my English is worse than 10 years ago, I feel like this language suits me a lot for describing many things. I consume Anglo-Saxon culture on a daily basis, much more than Spanish, all I read, listen to, watch and love is English spoken/written/sung, beside I need to practice, and this effort at the end of a day is very satisfying and rewarding, thus I will keep on doing it, with your permission.
At which point is Toi nowadays?
I feel quite proactive, in mood for doing as many things as possible of different kinds. Still broke, but improving and recovering from the expenses from moving on my own. My Hellhouse is still chaos but little by little is becoming my home and yes, I love living alone, I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, plus I live downtown…I love it!
Blessed for having such good friends and people surrounding and supporting me, I can say I’m now happy for being who I am now, don’t feel regret, don’t hate myself, my heart is free and recovered, and although there’s no rush, I wanna love and be loved. Yes, as The Darkness say, I believe in a thing called love, and see future in a positive way. Life has many surprises waiting for me, can’t wait to discover them!
Thanks everyone out there, hope we can keep on enjoying good times to come, here or outside!