December is strange. Too intense to end the year, full of emotions, year balance, lists and events. Rhythm is exhausting, and Xmas hasn’t even started yet.
I feel a bit anxious this time and I don’t really know why. Well, I got few reasons. There are many issues I’m involved in directly and indirectly and my head is a bit mess, plus unlike previous years, I don’t know what to expect from next year and I’m not ready to face 2015, I haven’t figured out some plan yet, it’s as if I still had to do something to come to terms with this finishing year. What is that? I have no fuckin’ idea. Perhaps I think too much… Maybe everything would be sorted out if I got laid or climbed a mountain. Who knows?
Speaking of which, and related to a question arisen to an artist I had to interview, I’ve been thinking of the love crush feeling lately. Yep, I’m very emotional these days, and it’s not that I have a crush on someone right now, but I’ve been thinking how difficult that stage is till you actually fall in love with someone and that feeling is mutual.
You know someone, feel attracted to him for many reasons and qualities, both physical and related to personality, hobbies, tastes…whatever, and then you start considering maybe you could match that person, but you don’t know whether that person shares the same kind of feelings towards you, so the walking over the ice like time starts, and the mixture of feelings is overwhelming.
Illusion, optimism, sex, activities in common, and to sum up, a promising future, are faced by not so positive things such as insecurities, sudden lost of self esteem, doubts and a huge lack of confidence, and the terrible and threatening shadow of REJECTION.
At the end of the day I live and move in a world where man-woman friendship is real, or at least I strongly believe in it, even though sometimes confusion might happen and you can fuck it up too, not being able to define the friend zone from the affective one.
Would these feelings change when you grow up and have some life experience on your back? Or you still feel butterflies (c’mon! those are fuckin’ cramps and cold sweat)? Because if things work the same way as 10 or 20 years ago, I’m not so sure I want to pass through that stage. Am I getting old and bitter? I hope that’s not such thing.
Why everything has to be so damn complicated? Wouldn’t it be easier to wear a tag to identify people’s needs and tastes…and the most important thing, availability?
Danko Jones said once that love is unkind, and I totally agree with him. It’s unfair and unbalanced, and it’s almost impossible to find someone to be at your same level of needs and involvement. There are not perfect couples, we were wrongly raised under such belief, but at the end of the day we know that’s impossible. So, what’s the point of trying once and once again if nothing lasts forever?
Ah! Mysteries of life, dears! But it feels so damn great when love works, huh?
! Mysteries of life, dears! But it feels so damn great when love works, huh?