Tag Archives: quit


Toi December

In essence 2012 has been one of the toughest years in my life, not because of personal relationships this time, the truth is that something as common as losing a job in a critic moment, while there’s  a terrible economic crisis striking the country, can affect a person to unsuspected limits.

My last period uprising trend was suddenly stopped at the end of March, and 6 months unemployment have brought back quite negative stuff I thought being overcome and forgotten. I will focus on that in a while, not today, I’m not in the mood, but yes, I can advance you my self esteem has become more vulnerable to start with.

Being this 2012 mainly marked by this 6 month period, I’ve also lost some control of myself, and chaos has been present. Perhaps I’ve abused on partying way too much, routines disappeared for some time, and mayhem has been remarkable sometimes. Nowadays I’m trying to get back on the right track, and this year turning point might help me to focus.

Still, not everything has been crap, there are lots of remarkable things I will never forget, thus, being a list lover, I will tell you about them.


My relationship with this online magazine started when I was asked to write a review about Shame, the film. Since then, I’ve written more than 30 articles (in Spanish), covering a wide range of subjects: squirting, speed dating, flirting at 35, sex while menstruation, Tarantino and his chicks, corsets, women and music… and I’m proud of being involved in this project and become co-editor. Moreover, since I’ve been writing for Norma Jean Magazine in Spanish, I’ve received invitations for collaborating in order sites, and a proposal coming from an independent publishing house. Through this magazine I’m learning lots, and getting acquainted with very interesting people. Really, a blast!

nj cover

 2.    ANDREA

Lou introduced me to the other half of Norma Jean, Andrea, in April, right after losing my job. Chemistry was obvious since the very beginning and we liked each other right away.

Andrea is a hard worker, a great student and a perfectionist, yet she has a great sense of humor, very compatible with mine. With Andrea the team work has made sense for real, regardless the distance, and I have to thank her for being so inspirational.

Andrea and Toi


When I first discovered Arianna’s work via Tumblr, I knew I’d have a piece inked by her the soonest.

She had these 3 days available at Swan Song Tattoo in Rome as a guest artist, and I booked with her right away. I only spent 12 hours in Rome, 6 of them at a tattoo parlor, and I got my lighthouse, my guide, so powerful and firm, it really encourages me to keep on looking forward.  I will never thank her enough, and she will never fully understand what she did to me.

my lighthouse by andrea


Artie and Mayra got married, and Kiko, Agnès and I decided to look for the most special gift we could give them: a wood carved piece of the cover of Harvest Moon album awesome Bryn Perrot especially made for the occasion. A unique piece for one of the most rockin’ couples I know, and love. The gift arrived late, the wedding was amazing, and I can’t now wait for meeting baby Ariadna as soon as she’s born.


These are the artists and bands I moved my ass abroad to see live performing. Amsterdam, Dublin and London were the locations, and as usual, the quality of sound of the venues was impeccable. Special mention to my hostess Sofia, my rock sister, for having me at her flat even though she was in the middle of her exams, and my travel companions Artie, Mayra, Javi, Ani, baby Celia, Gonzalo, Yolanda, Veronica and Joaquin. Anytime, and hopefully soon, friends.



Yes, this blog, my pride and joy, and my actual baby. This blog was here for me, with its arms open to embrace any crap I wanted to pour on it during these previous months of uncertainty. I’m very glad readers’ response is improving and, even though you don’t comment much (I like to think shyness is to be blamed), visits, subscribers and fav’s are remarkably increasing.

Thank y’all!


This has been the year my Hellhouse has received most visits, and I’m glad my friends wanted to spend some time by my side. Lou, Andrea, Sofia, Agnès, Kiko, Dave, Arantza, Mayra, Marisa and Julio…it’s been great to have you here. Hope you have felt at home, at least I tried you did. Also those hanging out evenings and nights, watching films, eating pizza, playing poker, thanks for coming too.

hellhouse by Lou

Ah! Before I forget, those days I spent with my all time best friend Diana, at her summer house by the sea, were incredible.


This wasn’t a resolution for 2012. I didn’t plan it in advance, although I was getting disgusted with so much compulsive smoking. it was a box a day, too much considering I had been a social smoker all my life till my “divorce”, when I started smoking like craze. On Monday I thought I had to reduce little by little scheduling my cigarettes, however by Friday I didn’t want to have even a drag.

My initial anxiety was translated into sleeping 3 hours, truth is that as soon as I got unemployed I earned weight. There’s still lot to do to get fit and lose some weight but I’m on the right way. I’m glad I don’t smoke any more.


It’s been 2 years and a half since I stopped eating meat (I never liked fish) and chose to become vegetarian, and this year, in order to enjoy a more balanced diet and also tasty meals, I’ve been looking for new recipes and improving my cooking skills. I still have some challenges in mind for next year, I hope to accomplish.


You might think this is something stupid, but thanks to FB and Twitter I’ve got acquainted  lots of new people, discovered artists and musicians, recovered old friends (Tani, so good to have you back!), and even flirted with guys. Thanks to ARF forum I’ll never go to a show on my own, news on Twitter, which spread lightspeed, attach me to reality even though I cannot stand TV news, and I know lots of tattoo artists worldwide thanks to FB. Remembering the main motto of Antonio Montana, with internet, THE WORLD IS YOURS.

The world is yours

Good times are to remember, bad times are to be buried, keeping only the lessons learned from the fall.

Hope 2013 is much better than this one. I wish you all the best friends!


Dears friends, it’s been five days since I smoked the last drag of a cigarette. I’m not a winner yet, but I got a good feeling this time. Let’s see whether I can finally make it and quit what is a really nasty habit.

This was actually  my last cigarette 🙂

My relationship with tobacco hasn’t been very constant except for the last couple of years.

I remember my first cigarette perfectly. At my cousin Miguel’s wedding reception, as old tradition set, ladies were given a pack of lits, and gents were offered cigars. I think, I was given one pack, it didn’t matter I was 13, and also stole as many as possible, just for the pleasure of annoying people. That wedding was super boring, I swear!

Diana, my best friend and I, planned to smoke a cigarette together, it was arranged as if it was a date. She came to my parents’, we went to the attic terrace, hid somewhere and lighted the fags. We didn’t cough as in the movies, probably because we didn’t actually inhale them, they tasted horrible, but we felt like adults for the first time. Both our parents were smokers, so tobacco was in our daily livings.

Although Diana started smoking actively few time after our first experience, I became a social smoker since I was told, having a drag while swallowing a nip of beer, would get me higher. I know it’s ridiculous, but that’s the way I’ve been doing it all my life. Thus, from 17 till 25 I connected smoking directly to going out. I even stopped smoking when I was 26, for two years, but one of these crazy nights, I gave up to the temptation.

The working setting is very influential for your smoking habits, more than we think.

I was lucky to start developing office tasks once smoking was forbidden in working places, otherwise I’d be smoking nonstop in the busiest and most stressful periods. Thus, there were two targets when smoking a cigarette, first one, of course, was to socialize with my friends, and second, having a break.

More or less everything was under control in this way, despite the fact that at home we used to smoke some light hash joints too, not too heavy loaded, because I hate getting stoned. That prevented me of smoking at home.

Right before visiting Japan I stopped smoking, and I stood strong for 3 months, but as things were getting rough and weird at home, I started smoking again. This time, I also linked smoking to focusing my stress on something, creating the belief that a cigarette really relieved me.

When my world collapsed, I was smoking anytime and anyplace, with no restrictions. I fucked it up. At that point I was completely hooked.

I was feeling disgusted when smoking sometimes lately. I hate thinking how much dough I’ve been spending on them. I was buying boxes, so I could try to follow up my addiction, I had to quit.

My father was a terrible smoker. Due to his work as salesman for a huge pharmaceutical company, he was visiting doctors on a daily basis. Remember it wasn’t  so long ago, smoking was allowed at public buildings, hospitals included. At the end of the day, he wasn’t sure there were 2-3 packs gone. At least, this vice was more affordable than nowadays.

Eventually, he started taking pills to give up smoking, as per medical advice. Everything seemed alright in the beginning, these pills consist on anxiolytics, so he was ok, but apparently such blissful effect doesn’t last forever, and sheeeeeit! My father’s a moody guy, but what we experienced at home was like a horror film, with him passing from laughter, to turn into Incredible Hulk.

From my personal experience, I didn’t recall withdrawal experiences nor moody episodes. Truth is that I was nibbling all the time and consequently I earned weight. I hated it!

I’m quite aware of all these things this time, and seems that I’m not super anxious, although sometimes I’d like one drag. Don’t reckon I’m in a very bad mood, but on the other hand I got quite disturbed a couple of times last weekend caused by unpleasant conversations. I’m not nibbling at all, in fact my eating behavior is getting even better. And finally, and I’m not joking, I need my yoga class tomorrow. To be honest, for the first time I’ve taken control of the situation, and I hope this is the last time I have to submit myself to a physical sacrifice in order to give up something actually harmful for me. If only I can manage, this will be a winner mark in my lifetime.

Smoking is actually one of the most nonsense addictions we get hooked to. Cigarettes don’t give you pleasure, they’re not proper uppers nor downers, their price is outrageous, you’re inhaling smoke, and your breath smells like shit, it’s bad for your skin, lungs…

But some people look so cool…