Tag Archives: The Girl @ the Hellhouse

January and some dates to celebrate

I’ve always thought January is a decisive month which will define the current year trend. This is probably one of my nonsense stupidities, but it’s sort of placebo, if you know what I mean. Some people stick to the horoscope, others to numerology, there are many devoted to their Gods and also those who just face stuff as it comes. I choose January as my personal reference, and fortunately, even though it’s the longest month and it’s rough, this one is being a good one.

I’ve been telling you about euphoria, the recovery of old friends, my personal catharsis and the burial of a hatchet, and many other positive have been happening these days. Not bad, huh?

January is also a month full of anniversaries and personal reminders. I’d like to mention two I’m proud of.

First, it’s been already 2 years since I moved to The Hellhouse, and as you know, I’m delighted. If you’re single there’s nothing like living on your own, with all the responsibilities and pleasures it implies. The Hellhouse changes constantly, sometimes it’s neat, sometimes it’s a real mess, but if you step in, positive you know who’s the tenant. I’m very glad about having my own space, and probably in case I resume to living as part of a couple, this I will miss lots. I’m not exaggerating when I reckon these four walls sheltering mean freedom to me.

The other anniversary I’d like to highlight is one I actually forgot on its date, and realized about it a couple of days later. It’s been one year since I quit smoking, and probably the reason why I forgot about the date had to do with the fact that I long ago assumed not to carry on with this bad habit. I just don’t think about it anymore.

I don’t want to preach about quitting smoking, I just did it because I was sick of wasting lots of money in inhaling shit, my house, my clothes and everything stank, I didn’t look as cool as Lauren Bacall or Pam Grier when smoking, and it felt bad to be hooked to something in such a strong way. Every time I was stressed I needed a fag, every time I was angry, a cigarette was necessary, beer and smoking were partners in crime, and had the feeling that  I was smoking compulsively.


When I gave a thought to quit smoking, my initial plan was to decrease the number of fags, and extend the time between them. At my former office everybody was smoker, quitting would be hard, but I had to give it a try.

I had one of these best seller self-help books about stopping smoking but when I started reading it seemed like a joke, addressed to retarded, and kind of sectarian. My intelligence and I felt insulted.

As mentioned, my initial plan was to follow a smoking Schedule which progressively will reduce the amount of cigarettes, trying to avoid any anxiety sign.My schedule only lasted for 3 days, and it was on Friday I didn’t smoke at all, even though there was a show that night and crazy after party. I stood firm and didn’t surrender.

Side effects are the worst shit of quitting. On one hand I only slept for 3 hours for 3 months, and then I had this compulsive eating attacks, making me gain 5-6 kg weight. And worst of all, for the 6 first months I was catching colds and flu once every month, till my logs were clean and my immune system was strong again.

I don’t miss smoking, perhaps I had thoughts of a cigarette in certain moments of stress and despair, but they didn’t last for too long.

I’m proud of myself for being capable of getting rid of a shitty habit. With the money I no longer spend in fags, I’ve been purchasing gig tickets and some records, thus just for that reason it was worth stopping once and for all. And believe me, there won’t be a next time.




Aaaaaaaaaaah, Xmas is over, finally! I have no idea how many times I’ve wished these crazy days come to an end. Many! Many events, dinners, people, fun, booze, food… I need some peace and quietness for a while.

The last Xmas event was the dj’n session last Thursday. Since then, I’ve enjoyed myself and some solitude. For one reason or another I didn’t see anyone for the past 3 days and barely spoke to anyone, except for a couple of phonecalls. To be honest I needed to stay all by myself. Didn’t do anything outstanding, but going to the movies, had a couple of walks, cooked, watched many films, played records, read a bit… and had good rest.

Some might think that is a sad plan. I find it great. As cool as meeting my friends for some drinks, a gig or a movies session.

Are you afraid of being alone? Moreover, does loneliness scare you? Do you enjoy and need sometime on your own? And I don’t mean a couple of hours when your man/woman/parents/flatmates are out for a couple of hours.

I’m a very social person at all levels, and now more than ever. I’m passionate about meeting new people, and without intending to sound pretentious, I’m good at dealing with people. Not only that, but also I love organizing events enrolling my friends, and very often my Hellhouse hosts guests.

In my last relationship, I wasn’t completely aware of how I missed my social life (better said, didn’t want to think much about it), although I always managed to keep in touch with my closest friends on regular basis, but have to admit I was too much focused on my partner as to leave aside this innate feature of mine. I didn’t go out very often, didn’t enjoy dinners with friends, and wasn’t very active in parties, meetings and activities. Became very lazy and accommodated to this sedentary life. Not that I regret it now, because, as someone said once, everything happens for a reason, truth is that, once my life changed, I recovered what I like most: my friends.

I had never lived on my own, but that didn’t scare me much. My main worry was not being able to meet people because, at certain age, with our routines and obligations, it’s just not so easy. Everything worked out perfect, and my friends were really on alert, watching I was not feeling lonely. They all did a great job.

This week is my first anniversary at the Hellhouse, and I’m glad I made this choice of living on my own. Sharing would have meant more spare money, but less intimacy and peace. If possible, I won’t share a flat with anybody else (but in couple, of course).

I’ve finally found the perfect equation working for me. I’ve reached this stage at which I find pleasure in both situations, being surrounded by friends, and being on my own, feeling like a hermit. I never thought this could ever happen to me.

I’m not terrified of being on my own for the rest of my life. I don’t like the idea, but many things considered, if I ever trick a poor guy to stay by my side, he’d suffer the consequences of my previous good and bad experiences, and reckon to adapt to my current life could be tough. Anyway, in case that poor guy would never knock at the door, now I know I can handle by myself without feeling miserable, and enjoying a great time on my own.

Please, allow me to call this, Superior State of Mind.


Seems I didn’t have enough with 2 blogs, Facebook and a couple of music forums. I’ve found another source of endless amusement on the net: Tumblr.

Tumblr is sort of a blog, very easy to manage, and you can do there whatever you want: upload videos, songs, pictures, quotes… you can follow other bloggers and like others’ stuff, but it’s not a proper social network, you don’t have to interact if you’re not interested. Some might ask you questions, but it’s your choice whether you want to answer or not.

Chino, a friend of mine, was the one who suggested me saying: Toi, you’re just gonna get hooked to this thing. There’s plenty of stuff there, and you, as a photography lover, are gonna enjoy a lot.

To tell you the truth, when I opened the account, didn’t feel very convinced, but things have changed, the more I look the more I love it: tattoos, classic pictures, designs, bands stuff…entertainment is nonstop, it’s just like opening Pandora’s box, plus I’ve already discovered what it suits me for best: pix just taken with my phone immediately uploaded to Tumblr.

I love blogging and tell you about my life in extent, but this tool helps me being creative as the sparks come to my mind, so I don’t forget, so I communicate…and I love it!

Probably you think it’s a waste of my time, and sure you’re right, yet it keeps my mind occupied, and excites my imagination and my willing to find something I think it’s cool. I’m amazed about how people can be so creative…

My Tumblr is just an extension of this blog, quicker, direct and overall immediate, and it called The Girl @ the Hellhouse

If you have your own Tumblr thing and wanna share it, I’d be more than pleased to check what’s on your mind.